Why do psychopaths get married

We go to know each other. We hung out, had movie nights, and talked music. It was really great. But then something strange started happening. She started treating me like I was stupid, and humiliating me in front of fellow students. Something I had done many times before.

It hurt. Sometimes she was the nicest, coolest person ever to hang out with, but other times she was rolling her eyes and treating me like I was beneath her. It hurt and confused me so much. I took some space away from her over the summer after I graduated. She incessantly texted me.

Once, when one of my friends was moving out, I asked her to give me space for a week. She ended up sending me a ton of texts the day he was leaving and I got angry. She acted like a victim and that I had done something deeply disturbingly wrong in our friendship when I know I had every right to be angry. We had a long talk after that and it looked like it was going to get better. When I told her about treating me like I was stupid, she put the blame on me and said that I should have said something.

I did. She blamed her loneliness over the summer on me and said I was the only one who could sure it, when I had a lot going on and she had a ton of friends to talk to. She never really took any responsibility for her actions. But said she wanted a more honest friendship. I believed her. The friendship was going normal again for about a month. I was still getting incessant texts from her, but I was picking and choosing when to answer. Then, something totally unexpected happened.

She asked me to come to school for a weekend. I sent her a very long text saying the truth: I am ready to move on from my life and I am ready to move on from school.

She went from nice to angry in a millisecond, it seemed. Then, she started using the silent treatment on me. I sent her a text saying that I was sorry I hurt her feelings and I had no intention of doing that, but I have no desire to go back to school now. I was depressed and I have been getting better over the summer. I remember her sending me a very nasty response, even though she knew this information for awhile now.

I tried to be nice and move past our last conversation. Yes, this manipulative girl was my Little. That being in a sorority was all about spending time with cool women and making the most of that. She sent me another nasty text that I only skimmed. After that, she kept on sending me angry texts that we needed to talk. The last text she sent me was a very angry one. I was angry. It was unfair. I decided to take the high road, deleted her number and just let the friendship end on this note.

She did it until I had head aches. She followed me around everywhere and stuck to me like glue. It was draining. She has taken no responsibility for what has happened to us and pushed all the blame on me.

Recently she posted a couple of photos on Facebook, saying wish we could go back to the beginning of the relationship. I told her we could and tried to make contact with her again, but she ignored them. If honesty is what breaks apart a friendship like this, then I guess we never really had anything in the first place. I know she may not be a psychopath. I was never married to her for year. But this year in this friendship caused a lot of hurt and confusion in me.

Without knowing it, I had become her puppet. Thanks for sharing this. Some people are like bottomless pits of need that can never be filled, and who will only drain dry those who dare to come close to them. This person sounds borderline — read about it and I bet you will see her there. Borderline is more commonly diagnosed in females but the newest findings are that borderline is evenly divided between males and females — they just express it differently. Hope this helps! Mine is a long story — 7 years actually.

I had lost a guy in a boatfire and was very vulnerable. I was 58, divorced and very sad. I met a guy on a dating site and at first it was very intense but quite quickly he wanted to end it. Eventually he told me he had been in prison for rape of his stepdaughter but that he was innocent. I believed him as he seemed genuine and nice. He was always wanting sex and I did enjoy it but then he left and I didn,t hear from him for ages. He only ever came for a night or 2. Then I think he had a relationship but he did not tell her the truth and eventually the police told her as she had a grandchild and he was on the sex offender list for life.

Then he came back to me and he had a car accident and lost his licence thru drinking and I gave him some work in my house and picked him up from the train. I also lent him some money for a car once he had his licence back. I was totally besotted with him and kept trying to help him and hoped he would get better. He was drinking alot and blamed his behaviour on his time in prison.

He does not have any contact with his family. Usually he would go off for weeks and then suddenly appear. He was good fun but always wanted sex and would never take me out except for the odd meal.

I tried to look after him as I thought I could make him better. I feel so utterly stupid as I know I have wasted 7 years on him and I am now This year I have allowed him to treat me even more badly but somehow I have been unable to stop contacting him — like I am addicted and it is so frightening. I used to be outgoing and fun but I have done nothing but angst after him for the last 7 years.

One kind word from him would make my day!! None of my friends liked him and still I pursued him! I do know for a fact that he is a convicted rapist. My family do not know anything thank goodness. He has tried to end it between us but still I have continued — I just felt I needed him. When I was not with him he would sometimes text me sexy texts up to 10 times a day and demand them back.

I am ashamed to say that I would usually oblige. I was his fantasy. I still hanker for the man I first thought he was — funny and kind. This year I found out he was seeing a lady who has money. He has been in constant contact with me by text and calling but I also think he went away with her in his caravan for a month as he put his phone off and just contacted me every now and again.

When he came back I asked him to come over but he kept making excuses not to and the last 2weeks he has been horrible. I began asking for. He says he will sort it but hasn;t. I also know that she has bought a holiday house in a remote part of the UK and he has been doing it up for her though he says its for a male friend.

I think he wants to live there eventually when his mother passes away and he will be away from the police and he can live his life. I feel I want to go and tell this woman about his past but am fearful of any repurcussions. I have been used and emotionally abused and quite often feel it is my fault but he hand even now has always blown hot and cold and always offers a carrot until now.

I hope I can be strong enough if he tries to come back. This is so not like me and I feel I have wasted so much of my life at an important time.

This website has been so helpful as I thought I was totally on my own. Thank you for reading this. I have 3 lovely children and 3 lovely grandchilden. He has never been remotely interested in my life. Your story is heartwrenching. But at the end you say you have 3 lovely children and grandchildren, and that is amazing.

You deserve someone who is truly interested in you and your life. You deserve to live without the emotional angst this man is causing you every moment.

Best wishes to you. I am a Christian woman……he is also a born again. He has known my family for years……I am close to his sister. I mistook her beautiful qualities and mistakenly thought he had these too…….. I crawled after him when he went silent for weeks, compromised my otherwise sane boundaries shamelessly. He bought me gifts…expensive ones but i now know this was the Idealization stage.

Without going into all the finer details, after 3 years id had enough……the devaluation stage was too much and i told him I no longer wished to be with him.

He tried to make me so angry so that I would mirror him with rage so that he could go Ha! I didnt do this….. The space gave me clarity…….. He has also introduced me to the term Psychopath which will help me to know who to keep away from. Yes he abused my trust, flagrantly lulled me into a false sense of security…..

Pease believe me when I say that yes we wasted tender years on these people…….. Its tempting to want to get your own back by telling this woman……. I think I would……but he is no longer your business….. Give yourself two months to let it sink in how you were hoodwinked….

You say you want your money back, im afraid for your sanity call it a small price. Good luck and God bless. This just rings so true to me I met my husband separated 18 yrs ago. We went out on a date and he stayed that night and never left. We were married the following year. It started fine but once caught the need to woo was no longer there. The confident independent woman I was had disappeared.

We moved miles away from my family and friends. We had six children — the more children the bigger the man, having twins made him a legend — the sperminator! Not a penny was put into the house. When I lost my breast and hair through breast cancer, I became repulsive to him. I got no support from him at all. He still tries to get to me and has said I am shit on his shoe.

He knew the buttons to press but those buttons are not working anymore a good deal of the time. After years of feeling worthless and incapable, I am finding myself again. He is trying his tricks with the children but the older ones are showing their strength having none of it. Many people thought we had moved away to the fairytale life but they were all so wrong. I never had friends back to the house. Do psychopaths ever change? No, they never change. I am so glad you took the kids and left him!

His world has fallen apart…. And I am proud to say that I have still not sworn at him called him names put him down to his family and friends……I will hold my head up high knowing I am the better person and me and the children who have blossomed in the past year can get on with the best years of our lives. I was recently discarded. I saw so many signs, lies and even emotional cheating.

We live a few hours away so I never saw the physical signs. Everything that was portrayed was false, and the emotional abuse was over the top looking back. It only lasted 9 months, but looking back it matches everything said.

I allowed it, knowing better I did. I believed she loved me. But she loved and cared for me. It was all a sham. So hurtful. Makes things worse, is in that year apart, I dated another psychopath. Both women had multiple relationships, the one I between even had me and the other guy buy the same ring. Both girls said all the right things, hounded me and I for some reason thought they loved me. I have some fixing on myself to do.

Somehow, that overrides everything else. Following what I said up. This last one when we first started dating was telling me her ex of months before was stalking her and she tried to get a restraining order. None of it made since, as he had went to the coffee shop to get a coffee, he picked up his nephew from school and ran into her little sister and said hello.

He is a police officer, and almost lost his job. She said their lawyer struck a deal with him to have no contact, or even attend the same religious place. I contacted him, it was thrown out cause their was no evidence of stalking. Also he said her and her mom basically threatened him with the restraint order if he told anything about the mom having an affair to the religious elders. She took him all the way to getting a marriage application before dropping him. Also we talked timelines, her and I already started talking again before the application was signed, then when we officially started dating is when she sent him the text then tried to file the restraining order.

We compared other stories as to how she would act, exactly the same. He even gave up a scholarship to a high end law school for her. Then informed me, she also did this to two coworkers.

A lot of us are in that same boat with you. I caught him cheating once about a year ago and he wooed me back, then again, caught him again recently. This was suppose to be a way to find happiness outside our marriages due to my spouse being ill and his spouse is bisexual. As I read about psychopaths i realize that I have been a fool for his manipulations. He let me listen to conversations with his wife to confirm her sexual desires outside of their marriage.

It was always just enough truth to convince me of his loyalty and that what he was saying was valid. The truth is that he actively seeks women on sex sites and is sexually involved with them while seeing me. He made me feel exquisite, his ability to show empathy was uncanny. I am taking it one day at a time to stay away from him and reestablish my identity. It is hard to understand because so many times he took great care of me and was never selfish when I was in his presence, yet completely selfish in his carnal pursuits.

Good question. They will traumatize you and keep doing it for years if they can. Cut all contact with them when you are getting out of the relationship… This includes court, lawyers, medical… Move if you can! Get a place to live where the doors are monitored. Get a video security alarm! Keep the children with you! This is their most destructive weapon… They will use the children to emotionally abuse you and they will emotionally abuse them too, if you allow them to keep custody.

Can you prove emotional abuse? And they lie so much. They use the love bombing on therapists, lawyers teachers, religious people and judges to keep the injustice flowing. Hi, Tom. Thanks for your comment. Such pathological persistence! You must be a very strong person. In the forum I was talking about… There seems to be a lot of people who have been in relationships with psychopaths and have PTSD because of it. We all call them on their bs. There can be a feeling that something is not right with this person or these people.

You have to learn to listen to your subconscious the reptile brain it knows what a psychopath is like and can let you know… These kinds of personalities have been around since time began. In the beginning with him it was too good to be true…he told me he loved me within a week of meeting me, and I felt odd about it…but looked past it.

He would Tell me these stories about his childhood like I was his best friend for 10 yrs. He would give me this intense stare, that gave me a gut feeling. Boy did I expirence 10 of those. I felt like it was me vs him in the relationship. He would accuse of me doing this I never did. And saying things I never did. I had to look back and think…. Simply because I knew it was unhealthy: him on the other hand he had a whole bunch of excuses.

Later on I became clingy, needy, and insecure about the relationship and him. And I was never those things in any other relationship with a dude. He started to withdrawl from me cruely…. A week after our breakup he posts a picture of him and a girl on social media…. It was like starring at the eyes of the devil.

His ex of 2 yrs reached out to me and come to figure out he put her thru the same thing! But eventually the world will see these individuals for who they are.

They may seem so happy now without you, and they have used you to their best abities. But soon they will have to face themselves…. The universe has helped us heal and we will gain another gut instinct that will let us know that karma has been served, now focus on you.

I became involved with a guy and it went from in days from his side anyway! I feel so lucky to have got away but feel so silly to have believed in him and what he said! They do both at the same time — it comes naturally, and they use it to lure us. Thank you so much for your quick reply! It helps me make sense of it all! I know he would have ruined me due to my already lacking self-esteem!

Lesson learnt! I would like to contribute to your female psychopath post as another anonymous story, where can I submit? That would be great, thank you. Thank you for your quick response! I will send it right away. I made a lot of concessions because he is bipolar.

But the cruelty, manipulation, and lack of empathy from this man is not bipolar. You can leave someone you supposedly love. Just like that? He came back. No apologies. Its been on and off for 10 months. When I set boundaries — clean, sober, medicated, I was texted that the thought of me made him want to vomit. I blocked him. That was 3 weeks ago. I was scammed.

They scam your heart. I pray that all of you find the strength you need in your situations. Its gut wrenching I know. We never fathomed how things would turn out, after starting out so wonderfully! Our hearts are worth more than anything else we have to give. What they do is cruel and totally undeserved. Thank you for all the genuinely kind responses made here.

I feel broken sometimes by the many people who just do not get it or care. Reading these responses really helps. I have two more years of paying off my sadistic crazy con man yep, he got half of everything I owned I will then have worked as his slave for 14 years and I will be way past retirement age when I manage to finish making him a very rich man.

Hi, Anna. Though the original model dates back to the s, forensic psychiatrists and psychologists use it regularly. Hare, who maintained a psychopathy research lab at the University of British Columbia for many years, has made many interesting discoveries, identifying many professions and positions that commonly attract psychopaths. Statistics have consistently shown that there are more male than female psychopaths.

When it comes to the incarcerated population, for example, the psychopathy rate among men, approximately doubles that of women. It is thus to be expected that there should be more psychopathic husbands than psychopathic wives. While some psychopathic husbands are easy to identify, others can maintain a facade of normalcy for many years.

In some cases, they will only show their true self when they are alone with their prey, making it difficult for victims to persuade others that something is amiss. No sane person would willingly marry a psychopath.

These toxic individuals usually wait until after marriage to reveal themselves. There are many prominent examples of psychopathic husbands in movies, including Sleeping with the Enemy , starring Julia Roberts, and Enough , starring Jennifer Lopez. Considering the current rate of violence against women, these scary portrayals of violent and deranged husbands are more realistic than one would want them to be.

The term psychopath, however, should not be used lightly. A husband who cheats, lies, or abuses his spouse is not necessarily a psychopath. This detailed checklist may help you identify some of the most common traits of a psychopathic husband.

Although only a medical professional can diagnose psychopathy, identifying its traits can be helpful, especially if you are going through a complicated divorce. However, some studies have indicated that psychopaths may actually have the ability to feel empathy — both on an intellectual and emotional level — but can choose to disregard it , as if they have an emotional off switch.

Similarly, it seems psychopaths are often aware of the wrongfulness in their negative behaviour, but act in that way in any case due to their lack of self control. Their lack of self control can also get partners in trouble. Psychopaths also tend to show traits of sociopathy and narcissism, and both traits have been been correlated with infidelity.

A recent study that examined how psychopathic traits play out in romantic relationships also found that manipulation to gain sex may be a common approach. While many of these traits are off-putting, men and women seem to struggle with different things when living with a psychopathic partner. And if you dump a psychopath and later try to get them back you are unlikely to be successful. Their lack of empathy means that they will take no responsibility for what went wrong in the relationship and offer to change going forward.

Instead, they will most likely blame the outcome on you or anyone else but themselves. This attitude comes from their belief that, if you are feeling hurt, then it is your responsibility and your problem — in other words, you let this happen to you.

Psychopaths can easily read other people and understand their intentions. They know how to be charming and feel comfortable in any situation and that makes them perfect manipulators. Psychopaths are more likely to act in an impulsive manner and be emotionally unavailable. Psychologists believe that romance and communication with the people who express love for them can teach them to be more empathetic toward other people and improve the quality of their social interactions.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a person who showed signs of psychopathic behavior? How did it work out?