Why do people give backhanded compliments

How our style of deliberating influences and sometimes annoys others. Though social psychologists have long studied the strategies people use to get others to like them flattery or ingratiation or respect them bragging or intimidation , it turns out that little research exists on backhanded compliments. Norton , along with co-author Ovul Sezer, Ph. Their new working paper confirms that backhanded compliments are a terrible idea.

In a series of studies, they found that while people intend them to increase their likeability and status at the same time, the givers come across as less sincere, less attractive, more condescending, and even less competent than those who offer a traditional compliment.

The most offensive type of backhanded compliment involves being favorably compared to a stereotyped grouping or to a negative expectation. And yet, when people say it, they mean it as a compliment. Not surprising, study respondents said the way to be liked is to give a genuine compliment. Sometimes, the giver of the so-called "compliment" might not realize they're being hurtful, but unfortunately, others know exactly what they're saying.

Backhanded compliments can range from just plain rude to a form of microaggression , Ezelle says. She suggests disputing them in the moment if possible. And if backhanded compliments at you seem to be a habit rather than an exception , you can always tell your friend to buzz off. These 15 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely concealed dig really sounds like.

If you're getting ready together, chances this comment is constructive; your friend is probably just trying to prevent you from a fashion mishap — or, well, half of one. Once you walk out the door, however, there's nothing you can do to change the non-fabulous part of your outfit, and you're left feeling self-conscious about your clothes. On the one hand, it's good to know all your careful filtering and captioning hasn't been in vain.

But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they're implying that the real you is much less glamorous than the image you're trying to project. Talk about rude. Because they When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.

Thanks, I guess? It sounds like a backhanded compliment. A friend, coworker, family member, stranger who seemingly says something nice, but adds an insult. In some cases, backhanded compliments serve a devious purpose. Sometimes, your responses may make it seem as if you're the one with the problem. People might think they've said something kind and your response highlights your insecurities. Positive attitudes are contagious, she added.